The Blood Thick Wall
by KimuraKiria
Summary: Warning: Contains Turtlecest LeoxRaph. Leonardo has always prided on his control, but when he lets that go for one night he crosses a boundry that is the unthinkable. Leo has no idea how much danger crossing this wall has placed his family in.
1. Prologue: One Night

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT 3**

**Warnings: This contains turtlecest and also hints at suggestive themes so read at your own risk.  
**

**The Blood Thick Wall**

**Prologue: One Night **

"_A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure._

_I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. _

_I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them." _

_~ Oscar Wilde 1854 -1900 ~_

_Control._

_It was his everything. _

_His need. His desperations. His desires. His hope._

_A desperate being clinging on to whatever small existence he had in this world. _

_He was a ninja. _

_A Leader. A friend. A son. A brother._

_But..._

_There was one thing he desired beyond perfection. _

_Beyond his needs of a leader – a guardian. _

_Beyond the boundaries of family – a brother._

_To ignore this, to bury it deep within, it was killing him._

_Then, something wonderful happen._

_He gave in._

_He sacrificed his control...only...just only for..._

_One Night._

Leonardo held his blades, blocking the attack aiming for his head. Golden browns keeping an eye on his brothers; Mikey and Donnie were shell to shell, Don easily taking down the foot ninjas around them with a swing of his bow staff. Mikey tapped Donnie's shell, and used his brother as leverage to get into the air to tackle down some more foot ninjas that had surrounded Raphael.

_Only one night._

He thought as his eyes drank in the form of Raphael. His muscles tight as he fought, the sweat beading off that dark green skin, eyes narrowed with rage and the excitement of the battle. Those bright red ends of the bandanna swaying in the wind and his movement...

_The cloth felt soft as he untied it..._

He turned around to take down a few of his own attackers. Donnie landing beside him, "there is just too many." Don said between breaths of exhaustion.

"The more the merrier! As I always say!" Mikey yelled back at them.

Leo pointed to the group to the right and Don had nodded as Leo turned to the left, only to have Raphael tossed into his arms...

_His smell...that night was of oil and sweat..._

Helping Raphael stand up, he growled at the foot ninjas, "they're gonna wish they never did that!" Raphael rushed back into battle. Taking down some with a high right kick, and giving Mikey a high five as both brothers face their enemies.

_The hands were soft, despite them being calloused from holding weapons too tightly... ...they delicately explored his body...every inch..._

He faintly heard his name being yelled, snapping him back into reality, pulling him away from his distant thoughts. Clash of metal against metal rung loudly as he blocked the attack bringing his elbow in to hit his attacker's wind pipe. The sound of the body hitting the ground...

_He guided him to the bed, the sound of the shell pressing gently against the sheets, faint but like magic to his ears..._

Shaking his head, Leo refused to think of another thought. He fought his attackers, facing them head on. One groan in pain as his katana slice into the foot ninja's arm...

_Whispers of the sheets moving under him..._

Leo twirled bringing his blade to slice across the stomach of another ninja that tried to sneak up behind him. The sounds of the battle ringing into his ears, Mikey had somehow ended up being close to Leo. "Hey do you think this means Karai broke our truce?"

Taking a few more down, he turned around to help Mikey with a few of his own attackers, "I don't know..." Leo said, brown eyes narrowing at the army they faced. "They don't fight like her troops..."

_Groans, moans, churrs...each sound made him feel alive...feel needed, wanted...desired...complete..._

"Hey earth to Leo!" Mikey yelled and Leo swirled around just in time, blocking the attack once again with ease. "Geez, daydreaming is my job!" Mikey whined as he slapped one of his attackers in the face with his nun-chuck.

_...only one night...that is it._

There was a moment, as Leo went to look around for his brothers his browns settled on those golden orbs. He felt frozen in the spot, as those eyes stared at him...something dangerous flashed in his own eyes as he saw the foot ninja approach Raphael from behind. A panic that he had never felt before...

"_One night...and that is it...because...it can ruin everything..."_

"_Fine Leo. One frigin night! Now stop teasing me!"_

"_Not yet. Promise me, one night and we forget this ever happened? Promise me."_

"_I'll try...but...I can't promise."_

"_You have to Raph."_

"_Why?"_

"_Cause if we don't it will destroy..._

He opened his mouth to scream Raphael's name but he knew it was too late. He already could pictured that sword slicing into his brother's neck...the fear was too real. He could not lose Raphael, but...something else happen...

_What we have as a team...it can destroy our very dynamics..._

Flash of olive green, a flash of purple...the sound of a stick being sliced into two...the sound of a sword slicing through flesh. A sound that Leonardo knew all too well...he heard Mikey yell his name, he saw Raphael twirl around to see that his older brother had taken the blow for him...

_Our feelings must be buried..."_

"_Yeah I get it already...can we just do it now Leo?"_

"_Raphael, promise me!"_

"_Fine, I promise!"_

"_Good, cause if we keep thinking of this night it can destroy our very..._

Raphael dived on the man that had hurt Donnie, stabbing his sai directly in the man's chest. Seeing such fierceness caused the other foot ninjas to vanish...Leo walked up slowly, those golden eyes, those beautiful eyes that stared at him last night with so much emotion, so much need...so much desire...looked away from Leo in shame...

Blood splattered on olive green...a bow staff in two...purple and crimson red mix together...

_Brotherhood._

_**Note: I know this is short but it was intended that way mostly to show how distracted Leo really is! Please comment ^^ I really would enjoy reading opinions on this ^^**  
_


	2. Chapter 1: Already Forgotten

**Chapter 1: Already Forgotten**

"_We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves."_

_~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld ~_

_Anger. _

_It was his guiding light. _

_A mask. A way to hide. _

_It protected him from hurt, from pain, from others. _

_And yet, he feared this anger more than anything._

_He feared the very mask he wore. _

_For it was now a part of him._

_He was a protector. A guardian. A brother. _

_And in the end he even failed at that..._

_Why?_

_Why did he let his guard drop?_

_Why did he let his very walls fall?_

_Why did he let him see who he was inside?_

_A promise broken. _

_A brother in turmoil._

_And that anger..._

_It turned against him._

_Consuming him, eating him, destroying him..._

_Anger to hate. Hate to despair. Despair to pain. _

_The lingering thought – _

_Everything was his fault._

The rain fell around him. But he did not feel it. He did not feel the sting of his cuts, the soreness of his bruises. He did not feel the lingering aches of his actions the night before. All he could feel was that burning anger – directed at none other than himself.

Everything had happened in mere moments. Leo had acted quickly, grabbing Donnie's bag nearby, pressing the bandages against the wound –the wound that Leo had blocked from his own view. The wound that should have been his own. He had no idea how bad it was. But he had a lingering suspicion that it was not good...

Golden eyes looked up from hiding within his own knees, watching the rain pour around him as the sounds of New York City at night echoed. A siren, someone shouting at the place across from him, laughter and music playing too loudly, and the cling of water against the rain shutters. Normally these noises would make him feel at peace, at home. But instead each noise fell upon empty ears, empty feelings.

Below him, a few floors down in the apartment number known as 213 – April, Leatherhead, and Mikey were rushing about trying to save Donnie during his fight for his life. Normally it would have been Leo given the task of rushing about to collect bandages, water, a sewing kit, alcohol and so on. But Leo had given the task to Mikey to keep the youngest busy. Case was out on a run for some more medical material. Master Splinter was on his way. Leo was waiting outside the door of the bedroom, waiting for April to come out and say everything will be fine...

But he...after getting tossed out of the room saying he was more in the way then helping, Raphael had escaped to the roof. Not daring to face Leo. Not daring to face his family.

How could he? Raphael knew what had happened...he knew he was distracted. He knew he had been absorbed into those beautiful pools of golden brown. Drawn into a world where they could kiss without fear, a world where their love was not some sort of sin. Raph knew normally he would not have let that foot ninja get to close to him, normally he would have reacted faster, normally Don would not have to dive in and take the blow for him.

But...those eyes...

He punched the ground underneath him for the hundredth time since he been up here. Replaying the scene over and over again in his mind like a broken record – olive green, blood, bow staff, the slink sound of a sword cutting through flesh, black and silver – his mind was unable to sort through the noises and colours unable to understand what had happened except for the one fact, Don had taken a blow for him. At that moment, when he had twirled around his heart had stopped, his mind froze, and his body had grown cold and time itself froze.

The sound of a door opening did not cause Raphael to move, he knew without looking it was Leo. Just the way he walked in almost utter silence. Leonardo had a gentle grace to his steps, Michelangelo himself would widely claim his entrance as if he was a movie star, and while Donnie – some part of his mind wished whoever visit him made some noise because that meant it was Don.

Leo was the last being he wanted to talk to...

"Raph you're going to catch a cold..." Leo stated in that matter of fact tone. The kind of tone that would secretly send shivers throughout his body.

Raphael drew his hands so that they were hidden within his knees, "don't care." He answered. The rain around him seemed to stop falling, looking up he glanced at Leo holding an umbrella over his brother.

"Raph we need to talk about this, you been up here for hours..."

Had it really been hours? He tried to think of the time that had passed and realize he was not sure anymore. His mind just kept going in circles the same thought running through his head no matter what route he headed. Just like the strings of fate – it always landed at a certain point –

Leo had shuffled behind him taking a seat while holding the umbrella over them, "Don is alright." That managed to get Raphael to look at his brother, eyes questioning Leo. "April and Leatherhead said he should be fine, we have to keep him under observation for any signs of infection. He is definitely going to be bedridden for awhile..."

"He's gonna hate that..." Raph grumbled, turning away from Leo. He studied the way the drops of rain splattered on the roof, each drop made its own splash in a unique and different pattern each time. "It should've been me..."

"If it was you, you would be missing a head Raph, Don just did what you always do for us..."

"NO!" Raph growled now, shaking his head. "We both know why this happen Leo! We both know what caused this, so stop frigin beating around the bush and give me the fuckin lecture already!"

There was more silence, and Raph had become more aware of how cold he was. He grew aware of his bruises and the sting of his cuts, and fuck did his hands ever hurt...he wanted Leo to lift that umbrella again; at least the rain falling on him distracted him from everything.

"You were distracted Raph, you had forgotten you were in battle when you saw me. I said this would happen and yet...yet you still broke the promise."

"And what Leo? You expected me to forget about that night! We had sex! Okay, I don't think it is something so easily forgotten!"

"Raphael! I need you to forget alright!"

"How can I forget Leo? How can I forget how I felt? How can I forget what we shared during that night? How can I forget any of it! I gave myself to you!"

Raph did not know when they had started standing, or when they actually begun facing each other. The umbrella was on the roof forgotten. "One night Raph! One night of letting ourselves surrender to our bodies that was all it was suppose to be."

"Surrender to our bodies..." Raph whispered now, eyes narrowing. "That was what it was to you? Just giving into instincts!"

"Raph it was just two brothers who needed to relieve sexual tension that all it ever was."

"Oh? Is that so fearless!" It couldn't be, Raph wanted to cry, to scream, to yell at Leo... it hurt too much hearing this words...

An ache he couldn't form words to describe yet...

"Yes Raph, please I need you to not be distracted anymore. I said one night and we would forget."

"Okay, so what you're saying you weren't distracted either? You're saying that you have already forgotten!"

Leo had turned his shell facing Raph, eyes staring at the door that would lead back into the warmth of the building. "Yes." There was no crack in his voice, no movement of his shoulders. His tone neutral, cold, distant, uncaring... "I already have forgotten."

He bended down to pick up the umbrella, "until you can fight without distraction, me and Master Splinter have agreed. You are no longer allowed up on the surface Raphael, you are no longer allowed on patrols..." With that Leo had left.

Raphael stood there, the rain continuing to pour. But he no longer cared about the pain, the rain...all he could think about was Leo's words. _"I already have forgotten." _

He felt used. Toss aside. Just some sort of one-night stand.

After all what was he thinking? There was no way Leo would love him that way. There was no way they could have a relationship. After all, who would love a rash hot-headed foul-mouth turtle like himself? Heck, he even hated himself.

The words finally came. He was finally able to describe the pain he was feeling. It was greater than the panic he felt when Donnie was hurt. It was greater than any wound he ever obtained during a fight. Even much greater pain when they were young and Mikey would yell he hated him and run off to cry to Leo or Don. No...Nothing could compare to what he was feeling.

Heartbreak. It was a terrible feeling.

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**As you can tell this is a story that switches perspectives, Mikey's is next ^^ Please review and comment ^^ 33**


	3. Chapter 2: Brothers Till the End

**Author's Note: Special Thanks goes to ****Poisoned Dark Angel for taking the time to editing and reviewing this chapter and for reading my fanfics ^^**

**Chapter 2: Brothers till the End**

"_Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself:_

_I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today._

_I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. _

_I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."_

_~ Groucho Marx ~_

_Time had passed. _

_Just as it always did._

_And every morning he would have to repeat to himself._

_Like a master to a student..._

_Stay Happy. Stay Happy. Stay Happy._

_It felt like he was clinging onto some small light of hope. _

_But as the days went..._

_The air grew thick. _

_One brother bedridden. _

_Another hounding him._

_And the third – distant. _

_His home was no longer home._

_But..._

_He also knew. _

_He knew their wandering eyes. _

_He knew their secrets. _

_He knew their feelings. _

_His heart ached. _

_For deep down he had forbidden thoughts of his own..._

_However, he knew...he knew he could never have him. _

_For his heart longed for another._

_But he keeps on smiling. _

_Wondering if one of them will notice..._

_That he is screaming inside._

"RAPHIE!" Mikey's voice shrilled across the lair. He glanced in the training room noticing Leo once again meditating. Glancing in Don's room he smiled as he watched the sleeping form of the genius curled up in his bed. Sighing he wondered where the residential hot-head could be hiding. He checked the kitchen, the living room, even Raphie's bedroom but he wasn't there.

Sure it had been two weeks since the event over Donnie's near death experience. But things were not even close to being normal. Raphie could not stand being in the room with Leo for even two seconds before leaving. The only time Mikey noticed them together was during training and even during that they would not even dare say two words to each other. But to make matters worse, Raphael was starting to become more of a short fuse.

Of course...being locked up inside the lair for two weeks would make Raphie more agitated. Sighing Mikey took a seat on the couch as he stared at the television, switching the channel to the news. Even though he knew he would not be watching it.

Don had started a fever a few days ago. And despite Mikey playing the caregiver he knew that Donnie would always look forward to a visit from a certain red-banded turtle – he noticed this long ago. It was never hard for Mikey to notice things. Despite his easily distracted personality and dumb-witted attitude he had always been the one that carefully observed his brothers. When Raphael needed a reason to be angry Mikey would jump in, when Donnie wanted some company he was always there, and when Leo secretly desired a break from being a leader Mikey would force him to do something...

He had always been the shining light of hope for his family. He knew that. They knew that. Even Master Splinter had told Mikey many speeches about his importance in the Hamato family life. But things had reached to a point that even his smiles could not fix things...

After all...in the future there was only room for heartbreak...

Donnie loves Raphie.

Raphie loves Leo.

Leo loves Raphie.

He loves Donnie.

Man, his life was starting to sound more and more like one of Master Splinter's cheesy soap operas. He was not sure to be insulted that no one loved him or insulted that Leo and Raph continued to ignore their feelings for each other...didn't they realize it was only making matters worse?

Whatever lover's spat they had, Mikey was getting annoyed with all this drama and sexual tension.

That was why this morning he vowed to have a conversation with Raphie about everything. Actually it was a plan he been brewing all night. Corner Raphie, force Raphie to admit his feelings, talk about ways to fix things and maybe things would start getting back to normal. Of course his little plan did not work if Raphie was nowhere to be found.

After a few hours of dumbly watching TV he got up stretching, Leo muttered something about bringing Don his lunch this time. As much as Mikey loved being close to his sick older brother he just did not have the heart to see him just yet...a small part of him wanted to not only talk about Raphie's feelings but also his own. It was nearing two in the afternoon and still no sign of Raphael. Sighing he got up, thinking of grabbing a comic or two as he went towards his room...he wondered where Raphie could even be? After all he was forbidden to go up on the surface, Leo hasn't drag him off for training yet, and while usually he would be hulled up in his room reading a motorcycle magazine or two...

Opening the door Mikey looked up only to jump in surprise. Laying on his bed, holding a comic in his hands rather loosely and flipping through the pages with a bored annoyed scowl on his face was the hot-head himself. Raph lowered the comic book glancing at Mikey with those intense yellow eyes, "about time ya showed up..." he grumbled. "I don't know how you can even read these..."

"Hey! I think they have deep and entertaining storylines..." Mikey paused at the accusing look on Raph's face, "and well the pictures are pretty cool!"

"Whatever..." Raph muttered tossing the comic book to the ground.

Mikey dived catching the comic before the pages got ruffled from hitting the ground, "hey you may treat your magazines like that but not this!" Mikey stated shaking the book in front of Raph. "This is the limited edition of Silver Sentry number 26; they don't make these with this cover anymore!"

"Then isn't shakin' it gonna make it worse?" Raphie pointed out as he sat at the edge of the bed, letting his feet touch the cold ground.

Mikey looked at his comic book, "gah! I am so sorry my baby!" He smoothed it out and nuzzled the glossy cover before placing it back on his many chaotic piles; piles that were organized in ways that only Mikey himself could understand. After that he took a seat beside his brother. "So why are you in my room?"

"Mmm...No reason..." Raph muttered as he stared at the wall across from him. Mikey however was studying his brother. He noticed how slumped Raph's shoulders were and there appeared to be a small shake to his hands which were curled up in fists. Raph's eyes were looking anywhere else but to his younger brother...

"God, Leo has been such a hard-ass lately!" Mikey whined the flinch at Leo's name did not go unnoticed to the youngest. "Hey Raphie, its okay if you want to talk..." Mikey stated reaching out to place a hand on his arm. Raph quickly pulled away.

"Ya know what Mikey I think I'm going to go..." Raph muttered, about to get up. But Mikey was not yet ready to let Raph draw away from him. He pushed his older brother down onto the bed.

Raph growled, "What the hell - !" and before he could react Mikey cuddled against him. One leg loosely place over both of his and Mikey's head nuzzling against Raph's cheek.

Mikey knew Raph was just stunned laying there, his mind trying to register what this was about. But eventually he felt his older brother become less tense and an arm even shyly wrapped around Mikey's shoulder providing some support for Mikey.

There was nothing strange about it, as both brothers laid there seeking the comfort and warmth they both desired – comfort that Mikey had needed so bad...and he had a deep feeling Raphael was feeling the same way.

"You know you were always my hero..." Mikey said to Raph after awhile.

"Why the hell would I be your hero Mikey?" There was an unbelievable tone to Raph's voice and Mikey wanted to yell at Raph for always placing himself so low in his own standards.

"Well I have to admit for the longest time I had this huge crush on you – " Raph looked at him and he was about to move away, "_Had! _Geez Raphie..."

"I don't understand why you would –"

"God, whatever Leo did to you he messed you up bad..." Mikey muttered.

"What? How do you –"

"Don's not the only turtle that can notice things Raph," Mikey pointed out. "I mean I may not act it but I do observe quite a bit – of course part of that is due to playing video games for so long, you really need to learn how to catch onto things quick. Like there was this one game where –"

"Mikey!" Raph growled his name in a warning. Smiling Mikey only cuddled closer into his older brother.

More silence were exchange between the two youngest. It was not the kind of awkward silence but a sort of welcoming one. Mikey enjoy it. He could hear and feel each breath Raph made and with his head against his side now Mike could hear his heart beating. It reminded him too much of when they were young, how Mikey would cuddle against Raph and Raph would try to pull away.

"What is so funny?' Raph asked his voice was much more gentle and calm. It held a sort of sweetness to it and Mikey knew he had managed to earn one of those rare moments where he was getting to see Raph as well Raph. He was not hiding behind his mask this time – but it also meant Leo really did mess him up if Mikey was able to strip it away so easily.

It was funny if Mikey thought about it each one of them had their own little masks. Leonardo's was control, Raphael's was anger, and his was the forever happy personality he shrouded himself in. Actually maybe that was why Mikey loved Donnie so much because out of all his brothers Donnie was always more – well his true self. "Was thinking when we were kids..."

"Don't remind me," Raph grumbled. He was already withdrawing back within himself and Mikey realized if he was going to start fixing things he needed to start grilling Raph.

"So you love Leo huh?"

"Well I – WHAT!" Raph exclaimed sitting upright to stare down at Mikey who was lying on the bed appearing smug as if it was an everyday kind of conversation. "Was it that obvious? I mean...well...I..." It was definitely weird and yet nice at the same time to witness Raphael so flustered.

"Let's just say, don't think of going into acting anytime soon," Mikey said with a small chuckle and sat up so that his innocent blues made those intense golden yellow eyes stare at him. He saw something in Raphael's eyes a flash of pain and hurt..."what did he do?" Mikey asked his voice had a slight edge of anger to it which was strange sounding even to him.

Raphael turned away so his shell was facing Mikey, "nothing." He muttered. But Mikey knew better. He wrapped his arms around Raph from behind so that his plastron was pressed firmly against Raph's shell and nuzzled his cheek against Raph's, "It's alright Raph, I won't tell anyone. You can trust me."

"Trust is not something I really have right now..." Mikey smirked he knew that Raph had always had a weak spot for when he started getting all affectionate it would be a matter of time before the hot-head gave into his pestering. Of course the warmth and comfort was helping Mikey a lot with his own personal pain...

"If you don't talk about it – it will destroy you." Mikey pleaded his last card up his sleeve to get Raph to open up.

A deep exhausting sign echoed from his brother and Mikey could feel his shoulders tense up, "we had sex..."

"Well isn't that great? I mean you wanted – "

"He said it was only a night of giving into our instincts."

"Oh." Now things were starting to make more sense, "Umm you seriously didn't believe him did you Raph?"

Mikey felt Raph tense up even more – a small thought in the back of his mind wondered if that was even possible? "At first, then I kind of knew he was just playing the role of leader...but I kind of also can see his perspective...but..."

"You wish he thought more highly of your future together." Mikey chipped in to help Raph who was now shaking.

"Yeah. To him to force himself to forget, to forget about me and that night...it didn't feel right and I don't feel right. I still can't help but feel used and unwanted...I don't know why? I mean I know Leo is only thinking of our family – but I can't help but feel like I am just...last in everything he thinks about. I should've never agreed to anything...everything is my fault." Mikey frowned at this, he never wanted Raph to begin blaming himself over things and if he remembered correctly it kind of took two to tango...

"Raph. First, if Leo really wanted to stay as brothers he should have never let that night happen. Two, it is alright to feel the way you are considering and three; I may not have all the answers. I mean I am probably the worst one to talk to about relationships with but you need to work this out with Leo...and no matter what happens I'll back you a hundred percent!" The shaking had finally stopped and Mikey smiled to himself, a small celebration going on in his head of how he was able to help Raph.

Raphael looked around the room as if making sure there was no chance of anyone seeing them, before Mikey was about to ask what is up to he felt himself being pulled into Raph's arms into a hug. "Thanks Mikey, heh I guess you grew up a little without us noticing..."

"Nah I'll always be a kid, who watches way to much TV shows and plays way too many video games – it is where I get all my best speeches from!"

"Ya know if you tell anyone I'll kill ya right?" Raph whispered as he kept holding onto Mikey.

Mikey smiled taking as much comfort as he could from this situation, "I know Raph." After a few more minutes Mikey just could not hold it in any longer, "so umm...one question Raphie?"

"Hmm? What is that?"

"Who was on bottom?" Raph's face reddened and he dropped Mikey on the ground, which got an ow from the youngest. The way Raphael stormed out of the room seemed to confirm what the answer was. "Wow...and here I was voting for Raph to be the dominate one..."

Mikey smiled as he stared at the doorway. He had a feeling that things would start to look up for Raph and Leo. It was too bad for Donnie though – but he would be there ready to pick up the pieces as he had done so many times in the past.

After all it was his job as the younger brother.


End file.
